Get Moving To Meet Someone In 2017

It’s a good bet that you won’t meet many new people sitting and relaxing at home in your pj’s. Unless you live in a multi-unit building and you’re sitting in the common area. I personally know four couples who met at their condo or apartment complexes! The more places you go, the greater the possibilities. Try new places and activities. Classes, pilates, political rallies, outdoors groups, book groups, harmonica club, guitar group, movie reviews, meet-up groups, dance groups, computer classes, the pool, yoga classes, sporting clubs, Sparks programs . . . there are probably some interests you didn’t even know you have. You might need to reach outside your comfort zone. Go to synagogue or temple regularly throughout the year, not just on High Holy Days. I know of three couples who met there, too! Try different temples and let people know you want to meet people. Move A LOT more. Exercise with a friend or get a trainer. I know of at least one happy couple who met at the gym! You need a better routine for your current and future health and well-being and it will help you to meet someone better and stay alive to enjoy your relationship~ Walking your dog in your hood and outside your immediate area is a great way to meet people. I know of many couples who met on line: jdate, match.com, eharmony, plentyof fish, jwed, tinder, and there are many more. Have you tried them all seriously? Hey, you can do that at home in your pj’s! The men like slim and active and dynamic. So do the women. Get off your butt and move it! And then, you need to know what to do after you meet them. Wishing you success in getting moving to find your relationship in 2017~ Tennis, anyone?? Who is Paula? Sparks Matchmaking strives to connect Jewish individuals for the purpose of dating, marriage, and Jewish continuity.  So far, 18 couples are married and 10 additional couples are happily dating or in long-term...

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The Synagogue: Hellish Prison or God’s House??

I go to synagogue and temple a lot, to many different ones, sometimes hoping to do some matchmaking! But I mainly go because I have always liked Jewish services. All of them. Reform, conservative, and orthodox. I feel cozy and safe, like I am in God’s house! A big difference between me and most Jewish people is that I get it. Praying is a tremendous joy and comfort for me, and one of the most important things you can do. I know that religious services are boring as hell for most Jews and meaningless, prison-like. And that is the biggest reason most people avoid it. It is not boring for me, because I get it. It is not foreign to me but it is foreign to most Jews. Many Christians get it, in part because their prayers are in English, they sense a deep spiritual connection, and an hour a week is easier to take than our three-hour Saturday morning Shabbat services, four-hour Holy Day services, 1½ hour Friday night Shabbat services, and daily morning and evening services. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are coming and a lot of people will show up for that. Because you are afraid something bad will happen if you don’t? Or because you think two days covers you for the entire year? It is really important to pray every day, all year, to thank God for every big and little thing we have, to always have gratitude, and to ask for help. You can pray in English (although there is real power in original Hebrew prayers which connect us with our ancestors)! And it does not have to be in synagogue or temple (although there is definite power in community prayer). I feel like I’m in God’s house when I am in the synagogue, but when I am outside, I’m in God’s universe! If you want a great relationship and it is not happening for you, asking for big help is important. I cannot manufacture a partner for you. There is only one Manufacturer. Keep asking God to help you work on getting where you want to be. Ask every day, not just on Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. We must uphold our end of the bargain: become more loving, caring, giving, kind, and sensitive, and less judgmental and slower to criticize others. These are things we must work on always~that is key. Even if you don’t relate to God as Avinu Malkeinu, our Father our King, it is worth asking because God is the ULTIMATE MATCHMAKER! Wishing you success in finding your relationship in the New Year 5777! Who is Paula? Sparks Matchmaking strives to connect Jewish individuals for the purpose of dating, marriage, and Jewish continuity.  So far, 18 couples are married~with a 0% divorce rate and 14 Jewish children from those marriages. Eight additional couples are happily dating or in long-term...

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Other Jewish dating programs are NOT my competition!!!

SPARK YOUR MATCH: Dating Issues for Our Millennium By Paula Sparks Sparks Matchmaking Other Jewish dating programs are NOT my competition!!! People think that Jdate and local YPD events, etc., are my “competition.” They are NOT my competition. In fact, I regularly urge Jews to try JDate, JWed, SawYouAtSinai, YPD, NextDor, Moishe House, Chabad On Campus, Chabad Grad Group, SLIC, Shaare Emeth and Bais Abe’s young adults’ programs. I wish we would all collaborate our efforts. I am about one thing and one thing ONLY, and that is GETTING JEWS MARRIED TO JEWS. Any group or person that gets Jews married to Jews, I am happy about it. Do you want to meet that special someone? Please, post a very good photo of yourself and an interesting profile on the online Jewish sites, and keep improving your online presence. Go to every program that is offered locally. Don’t keep avoiding it, even if you have some unpleasant experiences. The Jewish people comprise only a tiny percentage of the world population: Less than 1% in the entire world. But half of the 900 Jews on my list have never even been married! There are many more just in St. Louis who are not with anyone. If you are lonely and want to be with someone, I feel sad and disheartened. My programs are ONLY about helping to increase the world Jewish population and to rectify loneliness for those who are past childbearing age. If a Jew gets married to another Jew, in any age group, they then become a Jewish couple and that is for the bigger good, especially if they join a temple or get involved in the larger Jewish community. My programs are NOT about competing with any organization that strives toward the same purpose. Let’s all work together and let’s do it now! Who is Paula? Sparks Matchmaking strives to connect Jewish individuals for the purpose of dating, marriage, and Jewish continuity.  So far, 18 couples OF ALL AGES! are married~with a 0% divorce rate and 14 Jewish children from those marriages. Eight more couples are happily dating or in long-term...

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For Women Only~One Man’s Perspective

SPARK YOUR MATCH:  Dating Issues for Our Millennium By Paula Sparks Sparks Matchmaking FOR WOMEN ONLY: A Man’s Point of View Hello, nice women! There actually are a lot of men out there, but you don’t want most of them, you have informed me. A lot of them have never been married. A lot don’t have height, manners, income level, education level, good looks, personality, or profession. So you want one of the “desirable” ones? Let’s take heed! Many men have voiced it, but this man has put some of it in writing: “I have some observations from the MALE perspective! Many men agree that WOMEN could improve their dating behavior to increase the chances of leading to a meaningful and mutually satisfying relationship. These are things Jewish women need to hear, but it will REALLY piss them off! WHAT TO WEAR? Fuss a little even for a simple get-acquainted coffee meeting. Wear something nice, even if casual.  Wear some make up and jewelry, though no need to go over the top. The man should fuss as well. But I have been to many such meetings where the woman wore ZERO make up or jewelry and dressed like she was getting ready to clean the house! If you are going to bother to meet a man, at least look like you give a damn! Otherwise it is a major and easily avoidable turnoff. WHERE SHALL WE GO? If a man invites you for a first real date and going to dinner at a restaurant is on the agenda, if he makes any reasonable suggestion as to the place, be polite and accept that location. If it is a moderate place, do NOT blow it off, lobbying for a much more expensive place, with the assumption that the man is picking up the check.  This is NOT about the money! It is about showing that you are a quality woman, more interested in getting to know this man than snagging an expensive dinner.  Save those fancy places for subsequent anniversaries and special occasions! MENSCH OR JAP? If you are on your first dinner date, especially at an expensive restaurant, do NOT order the most expensive item on the menu!  Since for whatever reason, the man is expecting and expected to pick up the check, it is a major turn off, signifying selfishness or bad manners to order the most expensive items or wine. That has happened to me a few times and ticked me off! AGAIN It is NOT about the money!  It is about showing the man he is out with a MENSCH and not a JAP! THERE ARE TWO OF US HERE, RIGHT? On a first date, do NOT talk about yourself to the exclusion of all else.  Ask about him. Give the impression you are interested. This is about conveying to a man that you are giving by nature, a very attractive trait to men. Selfishness is a turnoff to BOTH genders. TOO MUCH INFORMATION? On the first date, do NOT tell him all your troubles.  We all have them, but he does not want to hear all about them at this stage.  If you become a couple, there is plenty of time to work together to help each other, as it should be. I once had...

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Thanksgiving 2015 – We are so blessed!

Thanksgiving is coming and what are most people thinking about? Food and eating, being with family and friends, a day off, and shopping. In America, Thanksgiving commemorates the pilgrims’ gratitude for receiving help from the Native Americans and giving thanks to God for a bountiful harvest. In my 55 Thanksgivings so far, I don’t recall discussion of the meaning of the holiday and never any mention of God. I know many American families do some sort of blessing. In my religion, Judaism, every day is actually thanksgiving, especially the Sabbath and holy days. The small percentage of religious families give heartfelt thanks for abundant blessings. The more observant the household, the more fervent the thanksgiving prayers. For food and for everything, every day! All my grandparents were born over a hundred years ago, across the Atlantic Ocean, on the other side of the world, in Russia, a place that was not safe for Jews. In the old country, Jews had to hide to stay alive. They were grabbed up and tortured and killed. Nothing has changed for Jews and other peoples in many parts of the world. My grandparents traveled to America in the steerage section of dirty, crowded, infested ships, an arduous, scary journey that took weeks. Not a luxury cruise! With God’s help, they settled in St. Louis, struggling to learn English and become US citizens eke out a living, working long hours six or seven days a week, in hot, difficult conditions. There was no air conditioning. No hot showers~no showers at all. No indoor plumbing. No antibiotics to cure diseases. No tv. No microwaves, no refrigerators, no computers, no smart phones… no phones at all! They could never have imagined mobile devices, email, and Facebook. So much has happened in these hundred years. For us in America, that is! Almost everyone reading this article lives in America or in a location where we have clean water to drink, hot showers, flushing toilets, warm homes and beds, electricity, clothes and shoes, plentiful food. We also have freedom and security. A lot of the world does not have these things. We can do pretty much whatever we want, and we mostly think about eating, especially on Thanksgiving. Our grandparents’ generation was not always free to go to synagogue, nor even go outside their little houses. Finally in America, they were free and safe to be Jewish. They aspired to raise all of us to be good people, good Americans, and good Jews. Let us think about our abundant blessings. If you are always aware of how fortunate you are and all that you have, you’ll be in a better position to attract a mate into your life. I don’t mean the mistaken arrogant attitude of how wonderful you are and how much you deserve and how much better you are compared to those who have less or aren’t as successful or don’t look as good as you. I am referring to a sense of humility and a greater appreciation of where our bounty comes from! Yes, from your own hard work and sacrifice, but it goes much deeper than that. It is our obligation to take responsibility for ourselves and to repair the world which God created for us, and to always have in mind where our...

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Straight Into Their Arms

I would like to address an extremely complicated and unfortunate topic which affects us all, one I’ve come to know too well in my years of matchmaking and community service: why are so many Jewish men consistently choosing, often by default, to be with non-Jewish women when there are literally hundreds of available Jewish women in St. Louis ALONE? The phrases I hear almost daily are basically the same: Non-Jewish women are easier~lower maintenance~nicer~sweeter Jewish women are demanding~jappy~high maintenance~spoiled~entitled . . . These perceptions are not always accurate, and they absolutely do not describe every Jewish woman! But what has happened to us as a group? Are Jewish men just selfish and superficial? Is this the result of our dysfunctional society or our culture with its emphasis on material acquisitions, or our skewed values? Are too many Jewish women domineering and critical, demanding b—-es? We women must take a look at ourselves and make some adjustments to address this ubiquitous problem in the world as we watch the Jewish population age and shrink. Do many of us fit the stereotype of the loud, whiny, shrill Jewish American Princess, often with a hard-edged personality? Could this be one contributing factor to the fifty percent divorce rate and the fifty percent intermarriage rate, and to the bigger picture of the decline in American and world Jewry? In other articles, I have addressed topics such as our appearance but really more important are our behavior patterns. In the past few generations, many Jewish women have developed some manners that are not especially appealing and definitely not behaviors which attract most Jewish men. A lot of habits go back to the old country where women held the family together and perhaps out of necessity had to adopt certain traits. The way the world has become is that in order for a woman to be successful, especially in certain previously male-dominated fields, she sometimes must become aggressive and even nasty. It seems that she must take on characteristics which are not feminine and therefore not appealing to most Jewish men. How to rectify this discrepancy? Men want “sweet and soft,” descriptions I hear almost every day, and Jewish women seem to have abandoned those characteristics or never acquired them, virtually forcing Jewish men, including the Jewish women’s sons, farther and faster into the arms of the sweet and soft (and often slim!) non-Jewish shiksas-I hate that word!!! One such man I was matching and coaching is tall and personable, with good education and profession and sense of humor, qualities which Jewish women say they want. After meeting almost two dozen Jewish women, for one date or for a few months, he hoped several times that he’d found Ms. Right. He came up against so much entitlement, jappiness, and high maintenance that one day he walked out, practically right into the arms of a non-Jewish woman who is sweet, soft, slim, and low-maintenance. They are both very happy, to my great dismay. What have we done? The bossier, louder, and heavier the Jewish women become, the more our behavior repels many Jewish men. It’s all right for men to be a little heavy and not have great personalities, but they still demand a slim, sweet, soft woman and they find it–in a much less demanding...

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